I've been in a funk this past week. I've been experiencing moods ranging from depression (that deep dark depression), to agitation, to rage and when I'm not experiencing these intense moods, I'm just kind of here. I'm pretty sure it is caused by me not being at work, but I'm even worse when I'm at work. It's very frustrating. Wanting to work, but not being able to.

Then yesterday, I got my MRI results back, and the doctor still didn't know what the mass on my kidney is, and they wanted to check it again in 3 months. So basically, they don't want to actually address my physical symptoms from it, which make it impossible to work. My mom makes things even better since she thinks I should go back to work now. Also when I told her I might need surgery, I told her I would be staying with my mother-in-law after the surgery, 2 hours away. I my mother-in-law. She's so much more helpful than my mom. And yes, I know I shouldn't cut my mom off, but when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, she didn't actually tell me how bad it was (stage 4), I had to hear it when she would talk on the phone. Then 7 years later, when my dad passed away, she chose to tell me then. She has no problems telling everyone else our family's health issues, but she can't tell me anything directly. It was the worst when I was in the hospital last year. She got it in her head, that she needed to visit me every day. She would come and sit there and look sad and ask me what my problem was and she thought that by coming every day, I would somehow get out of there sooner. I've thought about going back to the hospital lately, but I wouldn't want her to come at all, and I could see that going bad......

Next week I'm going to see an endocrinologist, so maybe they can figure something out. I just want to feel better.