The past two days I’ve cut a few times not because of urges or anything like that but because I haven’t in a while and needed to know how it felt again. There was no trigger involved, nor any sort of distress. I mean, I’ve been really stressed out but I don’t think that had anything to do with why I SI’d. I guess it has been engraved in my mind so that I need it even when I’m not triggered at all? I wanted to know how it felt and went back to it. Is that necessarily a bad thing? I just think it’s a bit odd because I’ve been trying not to do anything that might end up triggering me so I can avoid SI altogether. I just find it odd that it happened without any sort of reason behind it.

The underlying problems have not been solved, but more are sitting idle. I do not wish to confront the issue, but am worried that if I don’t, the SI will get worse again and take over.