i just realized it i need it, it makes me bold and brave and confident but I want to be all that sober when I can think for myself.

I don't need alcohol but I know it makes me feel good and then I fight with my bf I don't remember how but he said I make him miserable, I just dont get it.
I'd rather submissive than drunk. I dont wanna be assertive anymore it makes my bf hate me.

i dont know what is wrong with me, i hate myself