Hester, you said, "If i could change my life the way i wanted it to be, i would be either single or separated for 6 months, with a job was during the day, with at least weekend nights off. i feel this would give me the opportunity to find a decent, funny, intelligent, well read, articulate man as a boyfriend. i do not want to marry again. i don't want to live with anyone again, but i would like a steady, mutually excusive relationship with someone i can relate to, and enjoy being with.
to tell my spouse the truth would emotionally eviscerate him, i don't think i can do that."

What you describe, the "decent, funny, intelligent, well read, articulate man as a boyfriend" is the fantasy of the over-50 single woman. Add to that a "mutually exclusive relationship with someone I can relate to, and enjoy being with." I don't mean to sound negative, but you will be looking a very long time, with lots of disappointments...like a needle in the haystack, to find such a relationship. I divorced my husband at age 47, so happy to be free after 20 unfulfilling years. Initially I wasn't interested in finding a partner at all, but eventually I began dating. And, let me tell ya, finding a man in the over-50 category is a real jungle. You encounter many problems with potential partners, including the divorced or widowed ones who have grown children. You wouldn't think this could be much of a problem, but it can be, big time. Then, you could meet the losers who are looking for a means of support...you! Or the man who just wants you for sex...not emotionally satisfying, and definitely humiliating.

While you may be one of the few who would find the soul mate happiness, I'm skeptical because of experience. Sorry if I offend you with my observations, but I'm thinking you may need to step back and do a personal assessment of your priorities. Even if you take the step of leaving your husband, you may find yourself in situations that are even more unfulfilling.
Patty