I'm concerned for your safety.

The behavior of your fwb has changed and it sounds like your intuition is telling you something is wrong. I hope you pay attention to your gut instincts.

I hope when you do have sex with him that you are using safer sex, protecting yourself.

I hope when things don't feel safe that you stop and think and that you are willing to say No rather than just drift along.

Anyone's use of alcohol in all this can increase potential problems.

As for your husband, are you his only caregiver? If so you can research what other help is available to disabled folks in your area. Is it possible that you are burnt out as a caregiver?

Is there any type of crisis line and referral available to you?

12 step meetings are free, you could try various ones out in your area. Even if you aren't sure that you completely fit the definition of sex addiction or codependent or family of alcoholics etc...........if the meeting is open, you can participate.

Online counseling is available too, I think somewhere on this site there will be links to some ideas there.

Can you come up with a healthy hobby or interest and practice focusing on that?

I wish you well and hope you make it through this safely.