Hi, ok so I haven't been on here in a really long time. I was trying to stay away from PC as I thought reading all these posts were making me feel worse, not trying to be selfish at all. But anyways, I am here today because I am really worried about myself. I used to cut, but recently I started hitting and banging myself till I bruise. And I am not satisfied until I know there will be a bruise. I know it is not normal. I know it is a form of self harm. I went to a therapist at school, she knew I would cut from my parents who told her and who read my diary that they weren't supposed to see. That was last year. Then I started to do better, now I am home for summer break and my parents wanted me to see a new psychiatrist just to make sure the medicines I am on are right for me and so on...to make a long story short, I am afraid to tell him about me bruising and banging myself. I have only met with him 2 times. Tomorrow will be my third. I have told him everything about me but the cutting part. I told him I get depressed and down every so often but I more emphasized the anxiety issues. But now I want to tell him about how I am becoming more depressed and I want to tell him about my new issue about SI but I am scared of how he will react. I just don't know what to do. I am in so many bad situations. I am sick of doing this to myself. It hurts so bad on the inside, that hurting myself on the outside feels good and lets me feel in control when in reality I am totally out of control and I know it. But when I am in that state of mind I have no thoughts but to hurt myself. It is not for attention, it is not to kill myself, i'm not sure why I get these urges. I don't know. Sorry this was a long rant, but if anyone has any words of advice, they would be much appreciated!! thanks