I don't know how I went from a grad student who could handle anything and any situation to this big ball of mess. I used to love people. I don't know what is happening to me. The extension I got helped but whatver this is, I can't get out of it. There was a huge improvement for a few weeks...And now back to this.

For the past 3 days I have cried all night (I didn't sleep actually). My ex (sort of?) came over and started making stupid predictions that my family is moving, everything will be ok, he wants me to come home....

I want to go to all of the places I used to go. I said to my mom yesterday "Where is your home" and she slipped and said " ---- our old hometown".....

I know this is so SO stupid but I feel like I am losing years of my life being here, missing out on coffee with my friends, my grad school friends....by the way, I was supposed to be in NY right now with my closest friend from grad school working towards my 2nd internship and filling out PhD applications but NO I had to meet the sociopath of the year and here I am, a big freaking loser just like him.

He kept saying to me "Do you need counseling", all the while knowing he was ripping my life to pieces, tearing my family apart...My reputation in my department is ruined, I swear, I had EVERYTHING planned out I barely even studied my work came so easily and always has. Job offers, everything up until I got stuck dealing with him. Now, I am a shell of what I used to be. Oh well.

All I see is loss.