Interesting...and sad. I'm sorry to hear that you attempted suicide. Sounds like things were better during the second mania in terms of not being urged to commit suicide like the fist mania.

I've been hospitalized several times and often I have blackouts during my stays. I'm not sure if I have a mild case of D.I.D. or if the blackouts were due to haldol injections or what (no street drugs were involved). So sometimes I read the hospital notes after my release. On one it said that I said that I hear the voice of God. That and "poor judgement" were the two reasons I was given the label "gravely disabled" and 5150'd.

Indeed, I have had many instances where God played a central role in my psychosis and mania. (I think people with schizoaffective disorder experience both if I'm not mistaken.) I once told an evaluating mental health practitioner that I thought I was a prophet. There were things I interpreted as signs and clues and I felt God was showing me the way, not unlike Moses' burning bush.

I still do think about God a lot but I have, with medication, tempered things down and I haven't acted out for a couple of years now.