I have faced the exact same issues. For certain medication cocktails, I felt strongly that it was altering my personality into someone that wasn't me at all. I am usually highly creative and such but the meds robbed me of that. Think "Beautiful Mind" when Dr. Nash was on his medication and the only math he could do regarding the Riemann hypothesis was revealed to be the scribblings in crayons of a remedial student. I felt that my intellectual gifts were robbed from me while on medication.

For me, the side effects were not better than the symptoms. Additionally, the meds I were on didn't eliminate the symptoms sufficiently anyway. So it seemed a no brainer that I stop my meds. Mistake.

Several times have I gone through cycles of taking meds and staying out of trouble and then going off them again because of how they affected me and getting into trouble.

At first, the trouble entailed things like hospitalizations and quitting my career so I could walk the earth and help people. It has escalated since then: a couple of years ago I was charged with resisting arrest on top of a DUI. Both charges were lessened, with a letter from my doctor, to disturbing the peace and wet reckless (which sounds worse but is a lesser charge). Part of the deal included a court order to take whatever medications my doctor prescribes.

And guess what. Most of the trouble in my life has occurred off meds. I hate that truth.

I wish I could tell you which medications are best for you. Moreover, I wish your doctor could tell you what meds are best for you. It took me about 8 years to find a cocktail that works for me. I feel like I'm still creative and retain most of my personality.

I'm currently taking Abilify 20mg, Lamictal 300mg, Klonopin 0.5mg , and Seroquel between 300 and 1200, depending on how bad my insomnia is. I started the Klonopin recently and due to its heavy sedating effect I might talk with my doctor about stopping it. Out of those, the one I recommend you talk with your doctor about is Abilify. It's an atypical antipsychotic meaning it doesn't work like the heavy stuff like Geodon.