This is how I imagine it went:

(Me, thinking): I am so grateful for t. She has helped me so much. i feel close to her. i feel like for once in my life somebody really cares (starting to tear up, tears rolling down cheeks). I want her to know how much i appreicate her, how much she means to me.

(Me, emailing most deep personal thoughts and attachment feelings to t)

(T, sees email message): What?! Another email? (Heavy sigh; opens email; briefly scans message)]

(T, reads about my attachment feelings for her and my question about how she feels about me and my therapy. . .)

(T, thinking): This is just more of the same. I don't have time for this.

(T calls, saying she's too busy to respond)

(Me, listens to message that she's too busy to reply)

(Me, thinking): I can't believe it. I just opened my heart to her and she blew me off! Here i am crying because i'm feeling so grateful for her and her help. . .so i email and tell her. . .and it didn't mean a thing to her. She didn't acknowledge a single thing i said. Her voice on the message doesn't even sound warm. It sounds just. . .clinical. No evidence at all of any warm personal feelings.

(Me, feeling a flash of pain through my gut): I'm fooling myself. She doesn't really care that much about me. I should never have told her how i feel about her. now she's backing away. she doesn't want me to be attached to her. and she doesn't want to tell me how she feels about me and our therapy either.

(Me, more thinking; feelings of self-hate cropping up): I was stupid to ever think i meant anything to her. it's all just a big fantasy. i believe it because i "want" to believe it. But the truth is, i mean very little. I'm just her "3'oclock," a number, an appt, not a person." I wish i'd never gotten attached to her in the first place. i knew this would happen. i knew i would just end up getting hurt AGAIN!!"