hi peaches, i hope you're doing ok. i had two thoughts:
1) perhaps she didn't want to say anything, because whatever it was - would have fallen short. i know you wanted to hear *some*thing, but in this case (in my opinion) the nothing was better than something. imagine if she (like you wanted her to) did say "thanks for sharing that" or "i'm glad you feel that way." i know if it was me, i'd feel like absolute crap if that's the response i got. i'd be like: THAT'S IT?! and i think this is what may have been going on with her. like she didn't know what to say, so she didn't ruin it by saying something small and somewhat meaningless. instead, she called (and didn't email back, which to me is also an indication of her not wanting to leave a permant mark) and reacted in the most honest way possible. and from what i can tell, she really DID want to wait until she saw you to talk about everything.
2) i'm probably not going to convince you that she cares for you, but perhaps this will:
Quote:
I kind of forget what happened next. Maybe we talked again about my feelings as a child with my parents. I can’t recall. But somewhere along the way, t asked if she could come sit next to me, and I said Yes. She also asked if she could touch me, and I said Yes. And she gave me little pats on my upper back and said some comforting things I can’t remember now. She also talked about how relationships go through bumps and hurdles, that some of them are insurmountable, but this one isn’t. She said we will get through it together. Then I remember asking something like, “Why can’t relationships only be good all the time?. I don’t know where that question came from, and I started crying harder. I got struck with this huge twist of pain and bent over, saying “This is SO HARD!” Then t was telling me to breathe, and helping me calm back down. And I remember her saying this is the “meat of the work.”
The other thing I remember her saying is that we’ve known each other for a really long time, and t said “This is more than just a job to me, I think a part of you knows that.” And she said how our relationship is real or there, whether we email or not. She said we could take the computer completely out of it, and the relationship would not change.
|
this is beautiful! i know for one, most therapist do not come close to their clients, much less touch them. she did, and this was the way she chose to express herself to you. i think she most certainly cares about you, and i'd encourage you to re-read how the session went as a reminder of the reality of the situtation, and not what you've built it up in your mind to be.
i hope i'm not being too harsh.. my words come from a caring place.