Hi I haven't been here for a long time. But I don't know who I can talk to about this.

I'm at uni now and we are starting to study mental illness. Which sounds like it's really interesting and it is. But i'm starting to think that people are starting to suspect me and what I have and what I do.

I have depression and I try to numb the pain and thoughts by cutting. A few times people have seen my scars accidentally and I've covering it up by saying it was a dog or I caught myself on a bit of wire. (stupid really) But they seem to believe me.

But today I realised that this one guy maybe suspects, cos he has accidentally seen my cuts and mentioned today that people often cut in particular places and he said for example blah blah blah, and it was the same place that I do it. For exactly the reason he said "so it's less likely that people will see."

It was really scary, it was like he could read my thoughts. And in that moment I panicked. I mean he didn't look at me or anything but I think he was deliberately not looking at me. Do you understand?

I am really freaked out that they will realise that I fit all the critera and then everyone will know. Im really really scared. Which makes me want to cut even more to stop the rising panic. But at the same time I realise that is stupid, because then they are more likely to see the fresh scabs and if they didn't know before, they will now.

I don't know what to do. I got home today and I was physically shaking cos I was so scared. I'm scared of what is going to happen. I can't withdraw because then they'll still suspect and I try to be normal but because I'm so scared it comes out like a hyperactive nonsense and still seems fake and that i'm trying to hide something.

I don't want them to find out. I really don't want them to find out.