Peaches I’m so sorry you are still reeling from that awful response you got to your email . I’ve read your other thread where you describe how you explained things to your T and have to say I was a bit taken aback by her responses. I get the sense that she is not comfortable about working with your feelings towards her (maybe she doesn’t realize quite how serious it is for you? Maybe she thinks the issue is ‘only’ about responses to emails rather than the deeper levels you are talking about here?)

My first response to your post is to say - talk about it with her, talk and talk and talk and keep bringing it up and keep pushing until you get some sense of resolution. Because I’m going to say upfront that regardless of the boundaries a T might maintain between session time and ‘out of hours’ time, I think your T SHOULD have responded in a positive way to your email, even if just to say thankyou. Her actual response tells me she didn’t hear what you said in your email (for any one of a number of reasons, none of which imply deliberate intent to hurt or even a lack of caring) and that for some reason she still hasn’t heard you even when you’ve tried explaining in session.

I think you do need to keep pursuing this with her, and I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that the thing you need to get to restore your good faith in her is an apology from her. I agree with Elliemay, your T made a mistake (not intentional and not callous and not a sign that she doesn’t care) but that her not accepting responsibility for having made that mistake is what’s spinning you out.

Peaches what I’m reading in your words (please correct me if I’m wrong) is that the response from T should have been some sort of indication that she was moved and touched by your feelings for her - not just gratitude or a ‘how nice of you to say that’ (even that would have been better than the response you did get though) - but a much more personal direct response to what you were so bravely telling her about how you feel about her. So that you could get to experience real caring on her part, a sense that she is capable of being touched by you and that her caring is consistent not just confined to paid sessions. It goes much further than simply validating your feelings. I suspect this whole issue is pointing out a fundamental need that is emerging in your therapy. That you’re going through profound doubt about her sincerity in caring for you makes me think that the way forward is to bring all that doubt and fear and pain to the therapy itself - this is not something trivial or that can be set aside easily by understanding her reasons for her response (besides, it’s not down to you to validate her life or her feelings and certainly not at the expense of your own.)

Sorry I seem to be telling you what to do here, I don’t mean to, just want you to know that I relate to closely to how you’re feeling about this that these are the things I’d be telling myself. I hope very much that you don’t run away because of this, but are able to bring your feelings to your T and talk about them openly. (Ha ha yes I’d tell myself that too and still find it hard especially as I’d be feeling pretty angry, on top of all the hurt and rejection and fear and self loathing underneath.) Hug for you Peaches

Torn