Hi Melbadaze,

I Do want to work it out. But it just seems like. . .regardless of my t's good intentions not to repeat the rejection that i felt in childhood . . . she says or does things every so often that feel every bit rejecting. . .and almost exactly like a repeat of my childhood.

Like my t being too busy for me, and my mom was too busy for me.

Like my mom didn't seem to want to attach with me, and my t was reluctant to respond to my expressions of attachment.

Some of it feels exactly the same.

Sometimes, my t says, "This is 2010, it is not the past, and i am not your mom who you felt rejected by." i get that. But on theother hand, why does it feel the same then?

If our t speaks/acts the same way as mom, which makes us feel the same pain, then we are upset/hurt by t, in the "here and now," in 2010, about what just happened in 2010. So it is not always a matter of us just reacting in transference to what happened in the past. In other words, if our t wants us to see her differently than mom, and learn to trust in a new kind of relationship, then she needs to be careful not to speak/act like mom did. If she does, then we are going to be hurt and lost trust all over again.

Now, i am not saying my t is all bad, or even that she is bad. I love her and think the world of her as my t. But goshdarnit, STOP DOING THAT TO ME when you know it bothers/triggers/hurts me. You know? I realize that my emails might get excessive sometimes. i know it probably annoys you at times. but understand why i need to email you, why i need to express my feelings to you. and try to accept it graciously. please don't make me feel like my words mean nothing. don't let my feelings vanish into thin air like they are worthless. at least take 30 seconds to acknowledge them. because you know how it makes my heart cry when you don't.

i know i'm not seeing t's side of it right now, about her business and her sister, etc. i know i'm focusing on my own self and feelings and needs. but i guess it's the hurt child part of me talking. not the logical adult.