as usual, seeker, your advice is dead on. maybe i am being conditioned, like pavlov's dog.
i had a talk with him the other morning, and explained exactly how i felt about everything. since we work together, sometimes closely, 3 days a week, i feel this has to be ended on a friendly basis. as with most menial jobs, this place is a hotbed of gossip, innuendo, and backstabbing. mgt is petty, and pretty much listens to those who malign anyone is off that day. one person was so stressed over what was going on they totally lost their temper, and threatened to hit the person who was bullying them for months. they got fired. i react the other way. i just walk away. i dread going there in the first place, and i can't make this another issue, without this job, we will lose our home. i try to ignore the bad stuff...for example, i was accused of taking out the trash for every department, and sweeping the entire store to avoid having to work!! it's still work, and someone has to do it, but whatever. i go in with a smile, and try to have fun regardless of what's going on.
he has summed up my weaknesses and needs pretty acurately, i have to admit that.
i told him i believe he acts this way because he has been hurt in the past and it's his way of keeping himself emotionally safe, which he agreed with. not that i think that makes a difference, he will not change.
my game plan is to slowly just end this, so we can still work together without issues. now i know this will be very hard for me. besides the physical, which really doesn't happen that often, it is an escape for me, a fun place to just play some cribbage or scrabble, have a drink or two and laugh.
i have been looking for another job long before this started, with no luck, so i hope this can end on a semi friendly basis. i don't need more issues at a place i already detest having to go.
i am hoping that this winter, as the holiday season approaches, i may be able to transfer to another store nearby. the big problem is they no longer hire any full time people, except for overnight stocking, and at present there are no openings within commuting distance.
maybe i am fooling myself, but i do know this has to end, and your experiences that you have shared with someone similar have helped me to take another look at what is going on.
actually, all the comments here have helped me considerably. every post by everyone has pretty well summed things up. it is so much easier to help someone else than to help yourself.
and you sure are right about what's out there as far as men my age. much as i would like to be single for a while, i am not the type that would leave someone who needs me and loves me. of course, cheating wasn't the best choice either.
i do know, that considering where i work, when this ends, there will not be another affair. there is not one man there i am remotely interested in.
so...wish me luck on my plan, and please seeker, and everyone else, please keep your posts going. they have helped me take another, realistic look at what i am doing and why.