I don't know what to say. My "triggers" and things don't matter. You need help and love. And from what you have said there's little to be found.
How does your church people treat you? or do you attend a church? Maybe and that's a big maybe they could help. So could a therapest. Talk to your pdoc.
I had men do me dirty most of my life, but my husbands did not do that. I can see how that put you in the hospital. And now you're stuck in Iowa. All I can say is my heart goes out to you and if it helps keep posting. Anything to keep your sanity.