Are you in therapy or have you ever been? I think it is more about you and your self esteem than about your ex or current BF. I think we get over controlling because we are anxious and feel threatened. It's not so much that you "learned" this behavior from your ex, if it were just learned, you could learn something else instead in a bit of time. But that you persist and don't feel you can act differently implies to me that something deeper is going on with you.

I don't think it helps to think of it as right/wrong. What helps me is to remember I am anxious and when I catch myself treating my husband like a child or being in charge of every situation, I apologize to him and then look at myself to see what is scary about the situation and see if I can see other ways to respond. The controlling ways I was taught by my stepmother are "minor" (organizational sorts of things where chores have to be done a certain way or at a certain time, etc.) and don't cause much angst between the two of us but the things that do, that I think are major, I know probably come from me rather than just surface teaching or even surface teaching on top of my own issues, reinforcing some.

I'm very fortunate because my husband is very good and clear about why he does what he does the way he does it and I've learned a great deal just from discussions with him (so I don't care if he does/does not replace the toilet paper; the chances of the "next" person using the bathroom and not having toilet paper (me) or his using the bathroom and "starting" by putting on a new roll are relatively equal so my stepmother's angst about replacing the roll when you use the last sheet as a politeness for the "next" person doesn't wash; it's no harder to replace it when you use the last one or when you need the first one!).

When you catch yourself behaving or speaking in a manner you don't like, start a discussion with your BF, ("Did you see what I just did? How did you experience what I just said?") and you might learn some neat stuff both about him and have a good interaction for your brain to remember the next time so it doesn't fall into that same pattern again?