Lately things have been going to **** for me. I've been feeling sick, so I haven't been eating, which has caused me to be quite depressed and stuck inside. One of my good friends committed suicide the other day, and my boyfriend hasn't been here to comfort me. I love this guy so much, he's hilarious, he's gorgeous, he's like a best friend and a lover to me. The problem is he gets extremely jealous and angry over little things. We argue quite a bit. It seems he can't put his own ego down to save our relationship. He gets angry when I won't give him oral sex everyday. Everyone tells me I should leave, but I'm so in love with this guy. I'm so hypocritical, I can't take my own advice that I give to my friends.

Last night he went to his friends house to drink, I stayed home because I was feeling sick. He came back home piss drunk, and closes the laptop as I'm trying to help my best friend, who's been feeling suicidal. He pushes me down to the bed, and starts being really rough with me, I was so weak and sick I could barely get him off of me. My body is still hurt and shaking from last night. Eventually he passes out, and I end up seeing the texts he was hiding from me. He's been sending flirty text messages to this girl while I was laying right beside him. Saying she was cute and that he is probably going to see her downtown for Canada Day. I'm not spending Canada Day with him, so I'm feeling so paranoid as to if he's cheating or about to..
I feel so weak, I feel like I should break up with him, but I'm too in love with him, it's so hard..