I've been on SO many meds and I'm SO med sensitive that when I find something that works I will fight tooth and nail to make it stay in my hot little hands no matter what. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the meds that don't work, REALLY don't work, as in nearly kill me (one way or another). I'm just really sensitive to meds and chemicals. I think I'm onto the right combo. Now if I can just get through adjusting to topamax and learning to give up coffee (caffeine and topamax are, together, like an overdose of cocaine or meth from what I've read and heard and whatever the case, I don't need the extra anxiety). Coffee has been my favorite reason to go to bed at night--so I can wake up and have it! So this will be a huge change. But I will do anything to get and be healthy (healthier). We'll see. Caffeine-free, perhaps? I never saw the point of caffeine-free coffee, but I love my morning coffee in the sunlight at the table at my laptop writing, so maybe it's just the comfort of the ritual.

If there are issues with this cocktail I am willing to try lithium next and ECT after that. After that, though, I'm done.

Things seem to be working out, though. It's just so frustrating, isn't it?