This is going to sound really strange I know, but since I started on the medication Clozaril in 2006, I have been doing really well and have not had to go into hospital or anything - I even regained custody of my son. However lately I have been finding things really difficult. The voices are starting to affect me really badly, and I cannot sleep with nightmares that do not end when I wake up. What is really worrying me though is that my friends and family all think I am doing so well, that I am scared to tell them I am struggling because I do not want to let them all down again. I just dont know what to do. Every day it is getting worse, but every day I force a smile and pretend that everything is ok. I dont know how much longer I can carry on pretending like this. My 12 year old son - who I obviously spend the most time with - is starting to ask question and I just make stupid excuses up. Im not really explaining myself very well, but I am so torn between begging for help before things get worse, and just carry on pretending everything is ok, and just hope it is. Has anyone else been through this sort of thing?
xxx