Although it's not my husband (but sometimes I wonder if it could be), I can relate to this because it's my daughter who should be self-supporting, at least somewhat, but just can't seem to do it.

She's had a couple of jobs...lasted a couple of months...enrolled in Job Corp (US government program for college certification)...only lasted a couple of months also.

Blackpup and Innerzone explained this perfectly...it opened my eyes as well. It's not a not want, it's a can't. It's hard for someone like me to grasp that...I can't fathom why on earth you would not have a job??? Minus the economy issue, of course.

Knowing what I know now about bipolar and mental illness in general, I believe I had the same issue with my husband once upon a time...but didn't recognize it. Looking back over the 25 years I've been with him, many, many things have become clearer.

It's good to encourage, support, praise, etc. The lying gets to me too...it's maddening, honestly. Lying I think comes because they feel so horrible about themselves. But, when you think about it, if they were to say that, it wouldn't change anything, so why bother? I wonder if it's like pouring salt in an open wound?

The last job my daughter had lasted 2 days. She was elated to get it, but only lasted two days because...I don't know. I know what she told me, but I think even she couldn't tell you what was going on inside her untreated bipolar mind. She would just get mad...then the depression set it...

Encouraging him to seek therapy or even just to talk to his family doc might open the door...I know with my husband, the biggest problem is that he may have talked with someone, but never took it to the next level...he kept shutting it down himself.