thanks jenkins. actually, he told me, and i do believe this, that he has never been with a married woman before and he isn't exactly proud of it. he did cheat on wife twice befpre hooking up with this girl, 16 years younger, that supposedly ended the relationship over the issue of children, but i suspect there was a lot more to it than that. if he really loved her, he would've given her a child. if she really loved him, she would have embraced his daughter and grandchildren as her own, at least that is what i would have done. so there is a lot more to the story. if she didn't live in another state, i would love to hear her side. i think it would be eye opening for me. you only ever hear one side of the story, and you can never know what really went on unless you hear both. not that it matters in this case. he constantly reminds me this isn't a love relationship, and i'm glad it isn't. i don't think i love him, i think i am obsessed for reasons stated in the previous post. maybe this is the wrong forum. i don't think i have ocd, or that im bipolar. tho my father didn't drink, i think it's more of an adult children of alcoholics issue.
i don't know, i just know that when i can transfer to another store, or find another job, it will be the end. i doubt if he will make the effort to maintain this, and i am nobody's booty call.
so, it's true he has no morals, but then again since i am also a cheater, i guess i don't either, which bothers me a lot. i would be surprised if he had anyone else, only because he meets most of his women at work, he has a rep for coming in drunk, and there are rumors that we are together, but i also know it's just a matter of time. i want to end this before then. as i said in a previous post, i am hoping that soon something full time will be available at another store near me, and dear god i hope it's not third shift because maybe then i regain some of the friends i have lost due to my never being available to do anything with them.
once i no longer work with him, i get can through the hurt, and i will be hurt because i do have feelings for him, no matter how wrong or misguided they may be.
that is my game plan. that and hopefully a therapist i can afford. thank god my husband isn't well, i know that sounds awful, but if he were healthy i may have made a huge mistake and actually left him for this idiot, which i realize would be the biggest mistake i could ever make.
i have contacted the county health center to see if there are any shrinks that would take me just for the copay, or less, but i have gotten no response as of yet.
i have a hard time accepting the fact that i fall for dirtbags in the hopes of redeeming my father, but i guess it happens to a lot of people.
thanks for your posts, and everyone else's. it has opened my eyes to things i was blind to. you are all a huge help.