Something happened yesterday that I can't seem to quit thinking about. It really bugs me, hurts my feelings, makes me not trust people, think I should stay to myself, avoid people. Then it makes me think, no, I need to face the stereotypes and fears others have and be an advocate. I have a responsibility to set the record straight for people. But then again people don't really want to know the truth. They like to hold on to mis-information.....

Anways.... what happened is.... my ex's sister was visiting when she asked if I had heard about the guy from a town near ours that killed his step daughter while on vacation in a cabin near Seattle. She said she thought of me when she heard that he was Bi Polar. At first she didn't remember the name of the condition. She just said he has what I have. She went on to say she didn't know what I had was so dangerous.

It reminded me of when she first heard about my dx. My ex thoughtlessly mentioned it to 4 of his sisters, including the one visiting yesterday while sitting in our living room. I remember one of the other sisters upon hearing about it, she said, 'OMG, that's terrible.' and then proceeded to recount an incident when she was a realtor and had been terrorized by a crazy guy who she later learned was Bi Polar. She just kept looking at me, like the sister yesterday, going on and on about how bad it is. How aweful and scary and crazy making bi polar makes people. It was as though their eyes were trying to make sense of how sweet little ol' me could maybe go crazy on them like those guys in their stories.

I was pretty much speechless both times but I could tell they were looking for me to reassure them or give them some cause not to fear me or something. Both times all I said was that it was like a spectrum of mild to extreme symptoms and that these guys were extreme. I was mild. You could almost see them breath a sigh of relief before they went on to another subject.

They didn't notice the exchange of glances between me and my ex. Me saying.... how could you blurt it out like that. Him saying..... mild? you? I don't think so!! I think you are capable of anything when you loose it. What a saint I am to put up with you!!

Anyways.... its just been bugging me today.