I'm just wondering.... when you said this:
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just can't believe that she or anybody would "want" to be close with me, that they could care about me deep down in their heart, that i could be meaningful to anyone.
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was wondering..... what about your marriage? don't you feel your husband wants to be close to you? if so, he is somebody.(just trying to help you)
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i want her to think about how her words and actions will affect me. i know that she usually does do this. but it feels like every time i get feeling safe and comfortable in the relationship, then something like this happens to raise up all my insecurity and pain from the past again.
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I get the feeling this here-- what you've said, is key.
You want her to think about how her words and actions will affect you....... Its as if YOU have no power- you give it all away to the other person in the relationship. You seem to depend on them to know what you need/want and to follow through
for you. It can be very difficult to realize that every single person in every single relationship has power...(unless of course one is not of free will-- physically held captive)
fins