Quote:
Originally Posted by Evening
I know people are lying, I don't know how they cannot see the things I see. I know they don't sit and pick at my appearance with a magnifying glass the way I do, but my flaws are so blatantly obvious.
|
Evening, from what you've said so far, it sounds like you have a really big investment in that position you've taken. If anyone refuses to see you the way you do, that seems to be some kind of threat to you -- so, they have to be lying. I can easily imagine some alternative points of view, though:
- The people who say they don't have a problem with how you look might not be lying at all. Some of them might think you look fine to them; some might not care much how you look; and some might even wonder if you weren't the one distorting or lying.
- Those of us who know you only from online, can't very well be turned off by what you look like. We don't know; all we have to go by is that one picture, which you insist doesn't look like you. If any of us had issues with you or needed to lie to you, then, it would have to be about something besides your looks. If people IRL had similar issues with you or needed to lie to you, that, too, could be about something besides your looks.
---------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool Zero
Well, then... how about the other way around? If you were willing to look however you do, how do you think your life might change then?
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evening
What do you mean? If I was happy with the way I looked do I think the things I hope for (confidence, etc.) would change? Yes I do think that, because I wouldn't be so insecure and constantly picking at my face and checking my reflection and crying when I see all my flaws, blah blah blah. I wouldn't be stressing and fussing, I'd have peace of mind with myself, at least my appearance.
|
It sounds like you meant,
if you could change your appearance so that you'd be happy with it. I was actually thinking a bit more radically, though -- along the lines of,
if you could let go of focusing on your appearance, let yourself look however you look, and go about doing whatever else you've been waiting to do.
If focusing on your appearance has been protecting or distracting you from something and you let go of focusing on your appearance, of course whatever stuff you've been protecting yourself from is going to start coming up more. It won't be comfortable; it'll almost certainly be easier for you with some professional support; but once you get through it and have that experience behind you instead of in your way, I say it'll help you a lot with whatever's up next for you to tackle.
---------------
I understand that in his time, Abe Lincoln
[President of the U.S. 1861-65] was widely regarded as ugly. Someone kidded him about how long he thought a man's legs should be and he famously replied, "Long enough to reach the ground." He turned out to be one of our best presidents, though, and nowadays we find him good-looking enough to put his image on at least two forms of money. I've never heard from anyone, even in grade school, who found him ugly.
The bottom line for me is that you're free to hate how you look but you can't count on us to either share that view, or withhold our support until you look different.
