I am 33 and have lived a lifetime of depression and identity questions. I have ADHD, BPD, depression (as said before), GAD and Bi-polar (not really sure if I believe that one). I have always wanted and needed my child and have wanted another but seem to not be allowed to have another. My son's father and I have different families now and I have always had primary custody of my son. We talk, nurture and try to understand the other as he has Asperger's, ADHD and ODD. Boy, I know we are a pair! Anyway, he is getting older and after all the years of his father not spending a whole lot of time with him and growing his own family to include two more children and never actively showing concern or interest in my son, my son is wanting to "try" living with him to spend more time with his father and siblings. I am terrified. I have such a dependancy on the love of my son and the function he gives me as a mother and care giver that I don't know how to survive without him. I have not been able to "cure" his disorders and think that maybe with all that I do it's not good enough, but that makes me so angry because I have tried so so hard and can't bear the possibility that his unenvolved father and new family could just step in and fix everything and make my son happier despite the pure love I have for my son and tell him everyday. How do I function or let go or be at peace with not giving my son what he wants. Being BPD I have issues with idenity and when the only one I can grab onto is jeopordized how can I sainly let it go without destoying myself? All this helps increase my panic and paranoia, anger and depression; it seems that no matter what I do someone will be damaged and I don't want it to be my son in the long run. I want a good relationship when he gets older unlike mine with my mother. Please help does anyone love their BPD mothers??? Has anyone made that choice and survived??? Am I doing what's best or being selfish? (They will not provide the same intensity of theropy with him as I do if that matters. The father has repeated stated how he doesn't have the time to get him to these professionals.) Why does it seem like that although other kids of perfectly "normal" families who say they want to stay with someone else it can be laughed off but because I have phyc issues I have to seriously consider losing my child???