It has gotten to the point that I take meds all day that keep my awake and "focused" and functioning, but they are very activating so I take other meds at night to relax and attempt to sleep. I feel like a switch that can only be turned on and off by medications. I know that the "normal" no meds me is a very sad, effed up woman with a plethora of mental and emotional problems. I know that my brain is a mess without any psychotropic intervention. But damn, it sucks to feel like I must take this to think, I must take that to sleep, I must take this to stop the anxiety/panic/panic attack. Ug, its just scary and frustrating. I especially hate a starting on a new med. Its so, just uhg.