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ThePainNeverDies · Jul 04, 2010, 06:26 AM

Ok, so many of you may know that I broke up with my (now) ex, Connor. We've been apart for a good 4 months and I feel fantastic without him in my life. It has been amazing to feel free and out of his evil grasp and be able to just live my life how I want to live it and how I feel is right to live it and it's working out pretty fantastically!

The only problem I have is, I have met a new guy. I went on a dating site shortly after leaving Connor and met the most amazing guy ever! We clicked instantly and we said we'd meet to get to know each other better. I have since been to stay with him 4 times. Each time has been equally, or even more, fantastic and amazing and pretty much (in a good way) overwhelming.

We have a lot of the same interests and he just wants to know about me and asks questions about me and doesn't mind if I just yabber on about nothing. When we have silences, they're not awkward, they're companionable and enjoyable. I love everything about him. He's amazing. I'm totally interested in what he does and have already met his Dad and a lot of his friends and instantly clicked with him.

e recently complimented me on how easy I am to get on with and how laid back and chilled out I can be when I'm with the right people, how fun loving, interesting and funny I am. How awesome I am and how wicked my personality is. He also said that he can see that I'm trying extremely hard to get my life back on track and that I am fantastic, beautiful, lovable and generally amazing.

I am falling head over heels in love with him. It's not like it was with Connor. It's so much stronger, so much more overpowering, overwhelming... Amazing... But I'm having so much trouble because despite what he's said about and to me, I feel he doesn't feel himself falling in love with me, or that he's trying to stop himself doing so... Or maybe it's just too soon. I dunno. I know it's only been like 4 months that I've known him and been meeting him, but these things can happen pretty fast...

It's like... The first time he held my hand, the sparks flew so hard I didn't know if my hand would stay on! (Lol) and that first kiss from him made my heart race so fast that I went dizzy and literally fell onto him (he was sat on his foot stool, I was crouching) and I could feel my World completely lighten up. It's so much more, so much better, than it was with Connor.. I thought I knew what love was and maybe i did with my first love, but this is just completely different and he makes me the happiest woman in the World.

I'm still shocked that he hasn't run away despite all my issues. I know taht he knows I'm trying damned hard to stop the self harm and all the suicide attempts. I spoke to him the other day and it's so nice, this part, but I said: "I'm improving my life more than ever. I've cut 4 bad people out of my life and let one of the best people in " and it was so nice to hear him say "Good girl! You're sorted, well done. I can see you're trying hard to sort yourself out" just to be able to tell him such positive stuff and get that positive affirmation really pushed me to sort myself out even more.

I'm just so scared that if I don't talk to him for a week or something, we'll not ever talk again, or that he's just not interested... Or I'm afraid that I'll tell him properly how I feel and it'll make him run away, but then there's always the chance that he'll come to me and say "I feel the same" but I just dunno what to do. It's tormenting me so much.

Please give me some form of advice... I know this is long, but he's a very special person to me... I've let him get to know my personality traits pretty fast and opened my heart up to him little bit by little bit, quicker than I have with anyone, but there are parts of me holding back because I'm just so unsure.. I know this all sounds very teenager like and very immature, but I believe it's none of those things... I believe it's just... Pure love. Pure wholehearted love and confusion over whether he feels the same...

I just want to know what's going on in that head of his...