I feel in pain, deeply frustrated, confused and angry with myself.

I have never really been a relationship person. Now at 33, the last time I had any close relationship with a girl was around 11 years ago. I have only ever had around 3 girlfriend's, which never lasted any longer than around 6 months. I have been ok with this though, living the single-man's life felt as though it was what I wanted and have been happy.

To say I have massive confidence issues is an understatement. While I do consider myself to be sincere, funny, intelligent, affectionate, reliable and caring I also look down on myself as nerdy, balding, short, slightly over-weight and very average looking.

Personally, my biggest hang-up is my height.

Over the past 12 months I have developed feelings for two girls at work (both around my age). I plucked up the courage to ask one out, who originally said 'yes', but her ex-boyfriend was still living with her, so we'd have to wait (he was moving to another country with work). I asked her again soon after, and she said her situation hadn't changed, so I asked her to let me know when she was ready.

I heard through the grapevine that her ex had gone, but she was now making it clear to other work colleagues that she's no longer interested in relationships for the forseeable future - she didn't let me in on any of this.

I have had off-topic conversations with her since, and she has dropped 'I'm sick of men' out a few times, along with 'the last thing I'm interested in right now is relationships'.

I felt I just had to write this opportunity off...

More recently I decided to ask the other girl out. She said yes, but would let me know which night would be good for her the following morning. The morning came, and she said she had too much work to do on evenings, so we should wait. I was frank with her and explained that I interpreted this as 'I would rather work unpaid overtime than go out with you'. We didn't fall out over it or anything (we work very closely) but she eventually made it clear that she'd like to go out for a meal with me, but she didn't want a relationship. She went on to say how she had a bad experience around 10 years ago (control-freak boyfriend I think) and this has put her off relationships for life.

So, what confidence I had managed to muster has been thrown back in my face. These girls are seemingly keen, but then just end up delivering the same old excuse. My paranoia just thinks they don't really find me attractive or good enough for them, but don't want to tell me straight.

I feel so embarrassed, so pitiful and such a failure. I hate how unfair life can be. I feel I am being ridiculed by these girls who have had to make excuses to avoid going out with me.

I feel hurt, disappointed and embarrassed; but most of all these recent experiences have seemed to release some other much stronger feelings.

I am suddenly now overwhelmed with sexual desire for this last girl. I really don't understand where it has come from. I am craving intimacy, romance and companionship with her on a scale that I simply can not explain. My mind is creating strange unhealthy, some even criminal, thoughts, to satisfy these urges, these absolute needs. I am losing control over it, and I am worried for myself or anyone who might get hurt.

I know how I sound like such a loser, and a whiner, hence my embarrassment! But I need to try and comprehend what I am feeling and why. I am in desperate need of an 'outlet' of some kind. Maybe I have a strange chemical inbalance? I don't know, but I do know I have to deal with it one way or another.

I have considered resigning from work, as my feelings just seem to amplify when I am around her. I am afraid that I am going to say or do something terrible.

I have even considered meeting up with an escort to satisfy my need for closeness, intimacy, but I am apprehensive that this could lead onto an addiction. It may not be a one-shot cure.

I really would like some guidance or advice