Love is bizarre. Isn't it weird how we can do such hurt those we care most about numerous times and still they are willing to still love us and take us in with open arms? I really feel for you and know what you are going through. Your wife apparently cares for you a great deal. You jsut have to ask yourself how much you care for her. You are smart enough to know that you can't go jumping back and forth because you don't want to hurt her. Well, don't. Stay with her or don't. There is love there, it sounds like. You just have to work through it. Sometimes we do things that make no sense that we dont want to forgive oursleves for but think of it this way..............if you wouldn't have left her in the first place would you feel this strongly about her now or vise versa? Sometimes we don't appreciate something until its gone. Sometimes the wrong thing turns into the best thing. If it is for the greater good, there is nothing to be forgiven about. If it makes your relationship stronger than it was needed. Go with your heart. Life is too short to be miserable.