Funny, I have been in my relationship for 7 years and you seem to describe me and my boyfirend to a T. WE have 2 kids in the mix as well. I will tell you from experiance that it may not get better and your lives may be like this as long as you are togeather. I have been in individual therapy amd he has come a time or two to try to understand me, but he can't accept that I am up and down and i am insecure and I try my best every day to work on me, but our relationship has severly paied the price. We are on our way to seperation or doing a big 180 and fixing things, but he is soooo mad and frustrated with me that I don't know I we can med this.
What i am trying to say is that unless you accept her and her emotions and can truly live with the way she is then I think you will stay in the same pattern unles you get some help togeather and/or individually. Even then it is anyones guess. They say every day is a new day, but they also say the passt is the best predictor for the future.
This is just my lone experiance, I hope I have helped in some way and I wish you the best of luck. I know how draing it is and all the emotions involved. Only you can change what you are willing to change no matter what decisions that means you have make.