**Multiple triggers for sexual assault**




I swear if anyone comes into a room quietly or comes up behind me and they haven't made themselves known I literally lift both feet off the ground scream and haul of with a great right hook and a meaner left cross; if we had low ceilings there'd be fingernails in them.

I've been like this since being sexually assaulted on a train 16 years ago and no matter how much I meditate, or get counselling or REM therapy and cog therapy it will not go away. I was molested very violently as a 3year old by 3 men, then at 9 by a porter in a childrens hospital, date raped at 15 and again in my 20's but it was that one when I was 34 which really got me because he grabbed me from behind. But it was the trigger for the molestation PTSD which took all those years to emerge and in the strangest of ways.

Later that same year I had surgery, went horribly wrong was in hospital for four months and 2 more surgeries. I had a break and then had another surgery (2nd last one) and I was given a ileostomy. I had had a colostomy and though I didn't like it I dealt with it. But the ileostomy had me climbing backwards up the hospital room wall to get away from it. It looked like a flaccid uncircumsised penis and it took me right back to being 3 years old and looking at what grew into a painful ugly monster that was shoved into my mouth, **** and vagina. It happened in a small shed, and my hospital room looked small enough to be that shed.

So if I am crept up on I make no apology whatsoever for whatever injuries I inflict on the one stupid enough to creep up on me. I've wanted to get over it for 16 years but something will just not allow me to. Wether it is my ego fight or flight response or anger I don't know but that right hook left cross is there for anyone willing to test it,

Rhian