(45yr old, 2nd marriage, 10yrs together total) I get drunk (not often but 4-6 times a yr), black out and call him a pervert in front of everyone make a jerk of myself - even though he hasn't done anything perverse in years. (he has a past but not with me he just made the mistake of telling me about it) I have irrational fears that he will leave me. He treats me pretty darn good now (not so always in the past) and now it is ME being a giant Bleep. Help me please I have to get myself under control stop drinking and stop the jealous rages or I will loose a very good thing. Advice on controlling my mouth? - I say the meanest things sometimes and I'm very hurtful to him. I want to stop but I get so angry and hurt about stupid things. His family doesn't like me and now my own family is REALLY mad at me for this last drunken episode. (I've ruined the river trip with my sisters 4th of July 2 yrs in a row and had a scene with him at my nephews wedding) Can't blame them. How do I apologize for this latest failure and why do seem to sabotage my relationships? I've done this in the past and I am always sorry but don't seem to be able to behave. Constantly running my mouth - sober or drunk. I am like a cat on a hot tin roof - yet I'm lazy and my house is somewhat of a mess. I don't understand and I need to understand so that I can change this horrible personality trait. Thank you for ANY advice!