ohseedee......my goes out to you. I know how you are feeling. I've been in that bad place before, and acted on it before anyone , or anything, was there to help me. You are in the best place possible and you are safe as long as you stay there for now. Your meds will be adjusted......you'll get the combination you need to stay healthy. We both will. And you will go back home......reach deep and hang on. I'm so grateful that I'm here and I know that somehow I'm going to be in a better place if I just keep hanging on for dear life. You are not alone in this. Please, please be safe, the urge will pass.....the right combination of meds (which I'm waiting for, along with probable hospitalization) will get us out of this. Much love and caring......greylove