Sorry to hear that your weekend pass didn't go so well. Maybe no passes are best for you right until you start to feel better. I know it sucks because it gives you something to look forward to it may not be what is best for you. If you are bipolar your pdoc should have known better than to put you on an antidepressant in the first place! It usually doesn't meet with good results and increased suicidal thinking. Some can get away with it but most cannot.