If you have not already read the book "I hate you, don't leave me:Understanding the Borderline personality" It is a good place to start.
Because what you have described is a CLASSIC symptom , we have low self esteems and although we do our best people say we dont or dont try hard enough , which contributes to it. This helps to flare up Anger issues with the BPD and so if we don't blow up we build up a wall to keep people away but in doing so we end up hurting ourselves because once we have pushed them too far away we feel that they are leaving because we are not good enough. I hope that made sense my mind tends to work faster than my fingers when typing stuff out. But yes i would check out " I hate you , Don't leave me" from your local library or buy it at your local bookstore and have a good read, it is very enlightening.