ohseedee - I'm here for you if you want to talk. I hear your frustrations of wanting to just get out, of wanting to be happy.
I'm sure the mail from your dad must have made you feel amazing and given you some encouragement to look forward.
Maybe consider the ECT - you have been in hospital a long time, and doctors have tried a whole lot of differenet meds on you, with limited success.
I wish I could just give you a hug, as i know how great it makes me feel.
Hang in there.