Ima, I have to agree totally with Echoes and tell you that you need some psychotherapy really bad. Whatever is causing you to be this mean, even when you are drinking, is buried deep inside of you...then you take all your anger out on your husband. You need to go and let a professional help you to get to the very root of your problem, they will help you figure yourself out and eventually why you do this. I even believe that you drink to self-medicate and to avoid the truth about yourself, you might even already know what your issues are and they can even stem from your childhood... just sit down and think really hard, it might just pop in your head...who knows? First, before anything else, I would QUIT DRINKING!!! I don't see how you can enjoy drinking when it makes you so very mean and you ruin even family events, put it down and don't ever touch it again... or you really are going to lose your husband, everyone has a breaking point. Make some calls and find a psychotherapist with a good reputation, then make an appointment right away...they might even want you both to come in together. I believe the therapist will want to hear everything that your husband might have to say because it might enlighten them to what your problem is. All I know to tell you is to QUIT DRINKING NOW, go to a therapist, and if you can't say nice things to your husband...which also has must be the truth...then don't say anything at all, just bite your tongue until the ends falls off. I wish you GOOD LUCK, I hope your marriage can be saved, and you must be honest with yourself...especially if you are in denial about something...and GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!
Huggles,
She