You are overthinking this so acknowledged that first. I would totally be doing the same. Second you should acknowledge that being in a relationship means risking getting hurt. It comes with the territory and there is a good chance there will be times in even the most ideal relationship that your feelings will be hurt. He doesn't get you. He doesn't understand. He ignore you. He huvers. He may never cheat but then again he might. You can't know going in what the future holds but you can know that investing in a relationship means taking risks.

The thing is you will survive no matter what. You survived Mark and yea it was painful but you got over it. Would you give up your time with Mark to have avoided that pain? I doubt it. All in all it was still worth the pain to have the years you had together. You survived to love again. You will always survive. You will always pick yourself up and start all over again if you have to. You are a strong and resilient woman. You can afford the risk.

Is this maybe more of a control issue that goes beyond taking the risk to go with the flow with Louise? Is putting up barriers to any risky venture how you want to live your life? Can you live with the losses that come with controlling outcomes? There will still be outcomes you can't control in your life. You never know what the future holds but you can be certain that overprotectiveness will hold you back from a future you could have if you gave yourself over to taking risks.

I was listening to an interview with a woman who has written a book about my generation of boomers. She was comparing us to the previous generation on the question of regret. My parents generation talks alot about not having regrets. The author suggests this is influenced by their limited choices. With my generation, who had all the choices in the world she believes on the subject of regret we will say that we don't regret what we did but what we didn't do. What we didn't risk and what we didn't give ourselves over to experiences. Of course we can't do everything but if our criteria is influenced by fear then chances are we will have some regrets for holding back.

Personally I am choosing to stay out of relationships to avoid the risk AND pain. Yea I will survive but I would rather not have to travel that road again. Mind you I said that before I met Dennis so one never really knows what the future holds. It took me more than 10 years to open my heart to be touched by Dennis so I am a pretty slow healer. lol. At that rate I've another 5 years of healing to be open again. That will make me 60. I hear those can be the most romantic of all love affairs. lol.

You want a relationship Belle. You want all the good the bad and the ugly that goes with it. You can let yourself go for what your heart desires. The risk is worth it. Be fearless and let the love flow. It will always be worth it for you. You are a passionate loving woman and you need to honour that about yourself or you will just impose greater pain in the useless attempt of avoiding pain. You can't win if your goal is to avoid getting hurt. You will just hurt yourself by trying to set your life up to not be hurt by another.

Let go of the controls and let your heart sore. Overthinking this is costing you the euphoria you could be feeling right now. Falling in love is precious. Don't waste a minute of this time being afraid. Even if it doesn't last it will be wonderful while it does. And if it goes south it goes south. You will find your north again. And again and again as many times as you have to. That's the life journey.

Now come on BE HAPPY!!