Hi ohseedee.... been thinking about how important it is to have a good defense to the offensive of SI thoughts. I get the feeling that once we have made an attempt the idea never leaves us. There are always triggers causing us to consider it the only way to end the pain. So I think we all need to find our best defense to those vulnerable moments we will face. Maybe we can cast them out completely but meanwhile a good defense is required.

For me it is my son. My mother took her own life and the pain of loosing her never leaves me and my syblings. I have promised myself that I will never do that to my son. No matter how bad things get I will not cause him the pain my mother caused me. I love my mother dearly. I love her as much as I could have ever loved her had she not gotten lost in the darkest place of her pain.

This is my defense that comes to my rescue everytime my pain takes me into the darkness. I love my son too much to leave him with the pain of loosing me. Even me at my worst is better for him than no me at all. I know this because I know what it is like to loose a loved one to SI. I know life is precious and worth every effort to find the lights. My son turns the lights on in my darkness.

Let those who love you ohseedee keep the lights on for you. Let that love be your defense going forward.

I hope this was okay to share with you. My prayer is for you to find that defense that will keep you safe no matter what.

You are loved.