I've been staring at this post for a while now.

I can certainly identify with you.

I really loathe having to take meds and they certainly aren't a panacea but I would definitely try to talk to your doctor with openness and honesty about your condition and see if they can help you. Lots of my doctors have been reluctant to prescribe Ativan but that might help you when you realize that you're out of hand, as it were.

I can identify with the mania, irritability (rage, really), and lack of impulse control. It took me years but I have manicured my environment to reduce all the stressers that I can minimize...the ones I have control over at least. Extra Seroquel might be able to help with that, as well as Ativan...but of course talk it over with him/her before you change it yourself, and not take my word for it.

I can also identify with the urge to write. Much prose and many a poem have been written while in a not-altogether-there state of mind. I posted a few of them somewhere on this site with the name Winston in the title. I have zero memory of the actual writing process; it was more automatic writing than anything else. We perhaps differ in that I love the writing that comes out of me when I'm in an unusual state (eg psychotic).

My main stresser is my unfaithful wife who has had a boyfriend on the side for about four years now. Other than that, things really are peachy and I say that with zero sarcasm.

When in your position, I tended to make major, life-altering decisions. I have divorced as well as ended my career, to name two such decisions. Both were huge mistakes, I have come to realize. Some people go on shopping sprees, some end up punching a human being for once instead of a wall. I could tell you stories... So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that you're not alone and it is possible to work through mental illness to maintain functionality though it requires a great deal of tenacity.