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rainbow8 · Jul 07, 2010, 08:38 AM

Quote:

I'm embarrassed because I'm perhaps admitting the underlying physical attraction, finally. I denied and suppressed it the whole time in therapy. I once told him I'd do anything to get him to like me. And how stupid to feel this way for someone who I will never see again, who was untouchable, who has no attachment to me. I am an idiot.

You are NOT an idiot for feeling that way. Many clients feel physically attracted to their Ts. It seems to be almost normal for the therapy process. Some of the feelings are transference, but some are real. It's hard not to feel strongly for your T. I've seen only woman and I'm not gay, but I have those feelings too. I think it's inherent in the way therapy just IS.

You say you will not tell another T about your love for your ex-T. Believe me, your T will not be surprised nor judgemental. It would help you if you could tell. I really think it would relieve your pain. You sound like you are suffering, and a T can help you see that you are not a bad person or an idiot for your feelings.