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leah0306 · Jul 07, 2010, 12:35 PM

A pill to make you sane... thats what i want, stability, being able to get up face the day...accomplish things, have a job, be the mother i WANT to be for my daughter... a soccer mom, just damn normal I contribute nothing to the family finances, my child is seven and told me afew days ago that "mommy should get a job, then we could have a nicer car", god she seven and sees that im a loser, i dont choose to be this way, lack of energy, moody(despite all the meds im on) and not fully functional...what the hell is wrong with me? I stay miserable thinking of how i wish things were, how if i could function as many people do, we would have a much better standard of living, my illnesses, bipolar, anxiety, lupus keep me focused on myself really, tracking the many dr. appts., swallowing enough medication to kill a horse for gods sake... im so tired most of the time and resentful,... my existince is disgusting to me, waiting 4 years to be approved for disability, 4 yars of my husband working two jobs, of sitting in this house for 4 years, im pretty isolated from others, by choice, because i find it difficult to maintain friendships-so draining and im not that dependable- my life is purposeless but for the care of my daughter and im basically doing the essentials, i dont make play dates because of social anxiety, its sickening, she deserves way more than i can provide,...WTF is wrong with me??