I'm not in any way looking for anyone to take my side or agree with me on how I feel. Nor am I looking for people to try and convince me otherwise.
This is something I've only recently made an effort to even think about, I have never talked about how much it gets to me with anyone until I talked about it on here.
I talked with my therapist today and I specifically asked that she made no comment on my appearance while I discussed it with her, positive or negative, and told her how it makes me feel. Yet she kept bringing it up and commenting on it. That got me a little worked up. It's put me off talking about it even more.
I was in tears about it, I don't think she even realised the extent to how much it gets to me until I burst into tears and couldn't talk. She offered to weigh me because I was talking about my weight, I couldn't do it. I couldn't put that on myself. Maybe that was some effort, intentionally not putting myself in that position to avoid making myself more upset. Perhaps it was because when I was getting ready to go see her I could barely look at myself in the mirror, so I was already worked up.
This is not something I really feel comfortable talking about face to face with someone. So frankly, I DON'T KNOW what I'm going to do. I have no idea. I want to talk to someone about it, but it is so uncomfortable for me. And I don't know who to talk to. My therapist is too far away for me to get to on my own.
I feel like perhaps I should maybe just not talk about it like I did in the past. It will save everyone else the drama at least.