Hi, ddavid, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). Sorry you're having such worries about your husband's behavior, especially while you're getting ready to have your child!

Do you or your husband have any male family members or friends he respects that the two of you could talk to together about this issue, see if he could come to a better understanding of his drinking and how it may impact you and your future relationship? I really think you need to talk to him when he's sober and "ignore" his excuses and just lay down what you will/will not accept from him. He obviously cannot drink at all if he becomes unsafe at any time and cannot be trusted.

My husband doesn't drink much at all anymore, I haven't seen him have too much for perhaps 10 or more years. But when our relationship was new, 25 years ago, I experienced him drunk a couple of times and he was a happy drunk, but not at all obnoxious. I cannot imagine his ever getting violent with me (or anyone, especially our cats :-)

I would tell your husband you do not trust him to behave responsibly when he drinks. That is a statement about you, based on your experience, not him, so what he "thinks" about his drinking is not germane. I would then give him a penalty for acting inappropriate when he has been drinking, whether it just be wrestling the dog or being obnoxious; it's your rule/boundary and he can still choose to drink if he wants, but he cannot be inappropriate around you, you get to say what behavior you will put up with. However, you then have to be willing and able to enforce the penalty if he engages in the behavior. I would make the penalty something "important" and/or maybe even see a lawyer (if you say you will take the child and leave him, for example) to make sure you do not get in "trouble" and that you document whatever behavior you feel has crossed the line.

You can't tell him what to do; he's a grown man and has to make his own decisions about his own life but you can tell him where your boundaries are. Maybe make the first penalty only that you will go to a lawyer and now, go buy simple tape recorder and camera to document his actions if he gets drunk. I would also, in the "I will go to a lawyer" talk, further state you will call X to come help you (your father, brother, police, whomever you like), maybe his relative or coworker/boss if he embarrasses easy?

I would first talk to him though, see if you can get him to understand the seriousness of your concerns and how much you love him and want him to be there with you and his child and be a family with him. But if he won't discuss it or gets defensive, I'd see no other choice than to say, "Fine, do what you want, when you want, but I feel I must also and if. . . then. . ."