Great post!!!
Like others, I've had a lot of meds that don't work, or don't work completely - less severe moods but they are still there. Like owllover I get severely suicidal with every depression, Lithium makes it better, but it was still there.
The last few months I feel like I am getting more and more stable, in that I can have a bad day and not spiral into depression, and I don't get suicidal even if it is a bad day - its amazing. I feel like my mood fluctuations are ok, what is "normal" - we get so used to having to monitor our moods and scared of if we are heading up or down that I think we forget we are allowed to be human. We are allowed to be emotional.
Maybe it won't last - time will tell, but in my heart I feel different. My brain thinks and works differently, it's as if something has clicked into place - is it the drugs, therapy or God? I don't know...
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It just seems like post after post about how the meds are not working, are ****ing us up, or are crapping out on us or making our lives worse. I'd not go off mine or anything, I just want some idea that there is hope of finding peace and a "normal"ish life.
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Shakti, I think there is a significant bias in the population that uses this forum. I would imagine that people whose BP was under control (especially for long periods of time) would be much less likely to use this forum. If you got better today, would you still be writing here in 5 years or would you want to get on with your life and forget that BP even existed? (rhetorical question)
I remember reading an article on long term remission in BP patients. They had a big problem recruiting participants because they were not associated with support groups, hospital in/outpatients, if medicated were on established regimes administered by GPs etc - so I guess they are unlikely to be on forums!
The study gave me great hope for long term remission, and eventually the posibility of living medication free.