Hi, it's Billi.

If you don't want to read a long, pathetic post, it's okay.

But I needed to write this.

(anger trigger)





4am now where I am.

My sleep is very bad now. I am so agitated by the way my physician treated me this week. Last Friday, as you may know, a psychiatrist turned me away, after my physician promised me on pain of death that they would take care of me within their office, her and the psychiatrist.

Well, that psychiatrist took one look at me, after she heard that I "hurt myself", she recommended DBT.

I am not against DBT. I love it and I am now doing some self-help, cause I can't afford the treatement.

Well, when someone recommends DBT, in my experience, it means they think I have borderline. She didn't even KNOW me! And all I wanted was meds. I know that's stil covered under Medicaid in CA. But not therapy anymore and she is probably ignorant if she thinks the the Center she turned me over to can do DBT on me. It's not covered under Medicaid and that Center does not even accept Medicaid, unless you are only there for med support. I told her that and she still said, "go to the Center; I can't help you here."

So, I am pretty sure she turned me out because she didn't want to treat me.

She said this "Center" was going to call me and they never did! Probably cause they can't take me. I did look them up online and they said, "We accept most insurance". That usually means not Medicaid. (I want to cuss!)

I am so agitated and so upset.

I am doing DBT self-help on a site, since I can't afford it with professionals.

thank goodness I have been thru DBT before at day treatment (when day treatment was still covered under Medicaid and someone there did it out of the goodness of their heart).

Now I can't go to treatment and I have once again find another psychiatrist that will take me (probably if he doesn't know I have BPD). They will treat me if they think I just have "benign, treatable conditions" like depression or anxiety.

She didn't turn me over, she turned me out.

I am LIVID.

I am VERY disappointed in my doctors, for telling me "I will take care of you." and then turning me away!

If I don't get meds, I won't sleep and if I don't sleep, my bpd symptoms get worse.

ty for reading, if you got this far.

Billi