Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
(((((((((((((peaches)))))))))))))))
What if it went like this?
Peaches: sends very loving and appreciative e-mail to T
T: reads e-mail, is touched. feels hurried because of her duties with her sister, but knows peaches intimately, and knows that it means a lot that it be acknowledged that an e-mail was sent. Remembers that in the past, peaches had said that "i don't have time to respond right now" would be an okay response, and calls so that peaches won't feel worried or sad.
Peaches: gets T's response and feels sad and confused. bravely brings it up in session
T: reflects back, and realizes that she was in "business mode" when she called. reassures peaches about how much she cares for her, both inside and outside of the office.
What if that is the whole story??
The feelings you are having are real and important, and deserve to be talked about as much as you need to talk about them. What's hard for me to realize sometimes, is that the stories I come up with aren't necessarily true: in fact, they're almost always much more a reflection of my fears than a reflection of reality.
((((((((((((peaches)))))))))))))))) so many hugs to you. I know this is really, really hard.
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Hi Treehouse,
I would love to think that's the whole story. I really would. But something was eating at me in a nonverbal way. I knew something more was going on. It is rare when t is too busy to reply, and I've discovered that the times she is too busy, it seems to always be right after i've emailed her a message where i express my attachment feelings with her. That hurts!!! I told her I'd noticed this pattern, and she didn't deny it. She said i could be right and she's sometimes not good at expressing emotions. So it wasn't just busyness, she didn't want to respond to my email. She didn't want to tell me how she felt about me and our work together. It bothers me that I'm supposed to share my innermost feelings, when she doesn't share anything in return. I don't expect it to be like a reciprocal friendship at all, but it would be nice for t to respond in an accepting, kindly way when i've just put my heart out there and told her how i feel about her. It's not just the adult side of me that is bothered by this. It's the part of me that feels so unimportant and insignificant in general, and is so afraid of rejection. My t knows about this. So i just find her "I'm too busy to respond" kind of callous. It's hard for me to actually bond with someone. It takes alot of effort to tell her how i feel. I guess I'd hoped what i said would touch her heart and it might result in a small bonding moment. But instead, i keep getting this visual of a little kid running to her with arms open, and t ducking away.