I'm realizing that it is sometimes scary for the T to be loved by us, even though they intellectually know that it is part of the relationship for us. I think it activates their fight-flight mechanism, and we sense it.
So, we often lie about our feelings so we don't have to see or know the therapist's discomfort.

Here's a great cartoon about it: http://talesoftherapy.wordpress.com/...erapy-tales-5/

I understand your visual. With my T, I would sense that he'd put up a fence - sometimes a waist-high white picket fence, sometimes a 12 ft stockade fence, other times a gently weathered split-rail fence. The fence kept him safe from my intense feelings but I felt shut out.

it's so hard, and it does hurt, you are so right.