it's good for you to acknowledge to yourself that you don't want to do it again... remember that thought, the feeling of caring about yourself. you do matter. you deserve to have healing and to feel better. even though terrible things happen to us sometimes, there is a way to get through it. as we grow and learn, we become more aware of other coping mechanisms to get us through the difficult times.

i can understand what you mentioned about feeling other people's pain. i am very sensitive and caring. it's ok to have empathy... to work towards understanding others. you sound very caring, and that's not wrong. but it is important to remember that you can't heal other people's pain. and you can't change the past. i am sorry for the loss of your friend. i hope that you can work towards healing yourself. you deserve it.